SPCAFPFC 5, przfc 1

RZ = relegation-not-red zone. Also, lots of Polish names have z's following consonants they'd never normally follow (the szcz sequence being most common, in Polska; also, see the last name of the guy who writes the recaps for Rangers--he's halfway to szcz glory), so I figured it worked on multiple levels. I'd also been forgetting to abide by my own invented convention of capitalizing the winner, but since I bothered to read about how Quake scored 8 goals against 7 wanderers of the queen/nickel/neighborly (supposedly)/hollowed out city, I figured I might as well act as though I am a more informed person for having read it. Act? I meant prove. Sean's always been the guy to whom I turn to relearn what I once myself knew. A human external hard drive. Probably the greatest compliment one could ever get. So much better than 'human computer', because the latter is trite. I just googled 'human external hard drive' and got no results with those four words in that exact sequence. On a side (of a side of a side) note, 'human search engine' is a better compliment than 'human external hard drive'. Sorry, Sean. Forget you ever read this paragraph, assuming you're a human equipped with optical character recognition capabilities.

As for the alphabet soupized game. There's not a single medical doctor on our team, although we could apparently use one, given the number of injuries we've been dealing with of late. Brian MacDiarmid, Dan Helman, Chuck Donner, and I believe George Wallenfels (certainly absent; unsure if it was for medical reasons) may all be checking in with the good family doctor of the southtowns sometime soon. Our 22-man roster also includes two guys who haven't played a single game this season, one who played one game, one who played half of a game, another who played a single game, and a sixth who played two games. I'll buy a beer for anyone who can guess all those correctly. Such a generous offer, I know. So that narrows the field to twelve possible anti-family practice participants. On the attendance front, then, we were a perfect 12/12 (although not until five+ minutes had passed and a Southtowns goal had already been scored).

Let us begin an attempt at a chronology. At around 5:40 PM, I drove by the homemade plywood Trump MAGA ('make America great again') sign so proudly displayed on a Springbrook (yeah, I'm dropping names of Elma hamlets on the readership) front lawn. Thus, I got to SSP around 5:43. Polonians were in short supply at this time; Lonely Todd (as opposed to Lyin' Ted) Piotrowski was the one Polonia player present and preparing. I parked in the parking spot most likely to be endangered by errant shots on goal (that being the first spot to the right of the net-behind-the-net) and put on my pads while listening to my non-stolen car radio (I was listening to 107.7, so I might as well use this opportunity to make an oblique twentyone pilots reference (proper non-caps...I only honor the preferences of these unlikely rock stars), as that band is played every fifteen or so songs by that station). S[PCA]FPFC had maybe six guys on hand at this time. Eventually they'd about triple that total. Maybe only 2.5x it. They had no less than 15 and no more than 18 come gametime. When in the second half someone from their bench made a comment about my losing my socks, there seemed to be an audience of four or five. In any event, a decent number of people have entered the family practice and are hopefully preaching the gospel of the BDSL to lost youths who might otherwise turn to OxyContin or Pokemon Go for the dopamine they desire.

Polonia had 10 at opening whistle. We opted for a 4-4-1 (as opposed to a 4-3-2) while awaiting late arrivals Mo and Cesar. Mo absences mo problems, as StFP made us pay within the opening minutes for our shorthandedness/Nickel City-ness. M Cody Rouse received the ball maybe 35 yards from goal, on the right attacking side, beat a couple defenders as he is known to do, and buried his shot low far corner from between the PK spot and the six (and from the right side of the box). 1-0. Cody did a swim move to get by the initial defender, pushing him off the ball in the process, and I protested that to the ref after the goal, but obviously nothing is going to be done after the play's already occurred. I began to think about what I'd someday tell my kids about the time we lost 11-0 to the former Lakeshore Select FC.

Alas, things got better. First off, I remembered I don't have kids. Good start. Then, Mo showed up and we suddenly had 1:1 (colon optional). Then we settled in for the next 35 minutes and played solid Polonia possession/team defending soccer. By the end of this evenly matched 35, the score was 1-1. St had a couple good chances, and the same could be said about ourselves. Any time the ball was played in the direction of F Justin Bracci, the guy was causing havoc for the St defense. He had one opportunity on a breakaway go just wide. It did not take long for me to begin to question how St had/had only conceded two goals all season, as they were quite unimpressive in dealing with this one-man threat. He/we (Adam Funke was involved here, too) had a couple more chances before the goal was finally earned--from my vantage point at RB, Justin had beaten a guy, then had a step on another defender and was looking to turn the corner not all that far from the six when he was brought down...and the PK spot was the next destination. I called aloud 'who wants it?' because I wasn't sure Justin did. But he did, and he buried it as the GK guessed the wrong way. 1-1, and no member of Polonia at this point of the game would've guessed the eventual outcome of the game had a poll been promptly taken.

But hypothetical in-game poll results mean nothing. St closed out the half very strongly. In that last five-minute span, they had a couple near-misses...and a goal. Both their second and third goals (spoiler alert) were quite similar, from final ball on--cross from 25 yards out, even with the corner of the 18, to my side of the field, finding a streaking attacker who heads the ball in from a sharp angle close range. I have a better memory of the third goal than the second (it helps that my high school teammate scored the third), but I know that this goal was of that same basic form, leaving me disappointed that I am but a white man who can write but cannot jump.

2-1 St at HT; we're not altogether dispirited despite the late onslaught. After all, the vast majority of the play had been evenly matched. Alas, the last five minutes proved prescient for how the second half would go. Signal, not noise. St pretty much dominated the second half. We were showing signs of tiring early on, and their strong midfield was getting more time and more space with which to work. Maybe 10 minutes in, they successfully reenacted the second goal, this time finding a gap between myself and the retreating OM to find Canisius High '04 Josh West for the header...from the corner of the six, he headed a one-bouncer to the far post--great placement. After the game, he told me that while the ball was in flight, he thought I was going to get it...I've got good range/reflexes/anticipation, but I have no hops, so the answer ultimately was 'not even close'. St was putting on a clinic of 'how to expose the weakness of Matt Marcinkiewicz'. Their fourth goal came off one of the many dangerous corners they had, where the initial attempt was blocked, but the rebound deflected out around the PK spot, and the waiting attacker buried it in the corner. Once that went in, I psychologically put up the red flag (even as I didn't). They added one more as we began to fixate on the effort to make them double their seasonlong GA total. 5-1 final; sideline celebrations ensued.

I'm worried we'll have even 11 for BC. The prospect of relegation haunts me and keeps me up till 6 AM, writing recaps and thinking about 2-7-1 until those numbers cease to be anything but meaningless symbols I vaguely perceive but cannot hope to comprehend through my drunken, innumerate stupor.

Good game and good luck to the good guys of SFPFC, and I hope y'all win a championship.

Definitely the best recap I've written this season, for the record.

I whole-heartedly (by which I refer to my enthusiasm, not by commitment or devotion) agree. This recap had it all; including a Ma$e reference and a sit-back-and-enjoy basketball movie reference.